7/13/2011

I fell in love with a women and she walked away. I need something to fill this void but I will not let it be food. I want to feel in control. I want to go back to work. I want to be back at school. I want to have a reason to be away from everyone and everything. It is so much nicer pretending to strangers that everything is ok and being so jealous of their happiness. I do not know if I am still deeply in love with my boyfriend. Mty life has taken a huge turn these past couple of months. How many of you exercise like at least three times a week? I am decent at exercising but crappy at keeping up with it. I feel like I hate myself and maybe if I loose weight I will feel better, prettier, worth love. I feel like people laugh at me because of my weight logicaly I know I am not fat and that people do find me atractive. I would not look at my self and think that though. I would think that I am thick and plump. I have leg and arm flab, giant boobs that drive me crazy maybe because everytime my boyfriend touches my body that is the first thing he goes for. how degrading and gross. I feel like a piece of ass to him sometimes not the love of his life.  I just want to be skinny and dance my ass off and model a little and have men ga ga over me because I am so small and sexy becsuse they cant look away from the sharp edges of my bones and I want to make love to women and please them. I want to be sexy and pretty and wanted. I am just a fucking joke...