Weekends.../136lbs

I hate/love when my boyfriend has the weekends off. I wonder if he will have this weekend off. I am not sure because he works in a restaurant and it is mother’s day weekend coming up and he told me they would be busy. Anyway I love when my boyfriend has the weekend off because we actually get to see each other and spend time together but at the same time I have to eat like a normal person and it kills everything I worked so hard for all week. I did horrible this weekend. (Sat/sun)

I don’t even want to talk about it. IT WAS BAD!!! I am moving on though it is a new week and a new month I am going to do well. I will follow my plans I will be skinny! Plus it might be easier this month because my boyfriend wants to start working out so I will work out twice on the days he works out!

MAY GOALS:
    1. Do not drink
    2. Loose 5 - 10 lbs no matter what!!
    3. Exercise 5 days a week
    4. eat 1500 calories or less a day

So that’s all I have. Honestly these are hard goals for me. I drink about 5 out of 7 days a week. I know if I don’t drink though I mostly likely will not binge or lose control and I will lose more weight than usual. I am thinking of becoming a non-drinker anyway. I need to quite I need to be healthy I need to have control. I have been hard at drinking for the past 4 years I am sure by now I have caused enough damage! It is going to be SUPER SUPER SUPER hard and I really need some support on this.

I don’t want to cheat at this goal but being realistic I might. So if I drink I can only have two. I hope this makes it easier for me to not drink knowing that if I do my goals are not ruined. Also, if I stay away from my parent’s house this goal will be much easier.

ANYWAY; ladies here is the exercise plan for today:

Cardio: burn 600 cals

Strengthening / toning: three leg work outs 4 sets of 20, five arm workouts 3 sets of 15, and three ab workouts

I know what I am going to do for my leg and abs and some of what I want to do for my arms. I would post pictures but I don’t have the time right now. Later tonight I will try to put them up.

UPDATE

so I have been thinking a lot... about this weight loss stuff and my boyfriend...

I want to look like this but I am really afraid that he will not like it. I have been talking to him about girls bodies lately finding out what he thinks is sexy or nice looking for a girl. we are really open with each other. we have been together for 4 years now he has never cheated. (well kinda) that sounds a lot worse than it is!!!!!! We even watched supersize VS superskinny on youtube and I would ask "do you think she is to skinny?" sometimes he would say yes. but I honestly did not think they were too skinny I thought they were beautiful. which is scaring me because I DO NOT want to loose him over the way I look. I mean he already knows a lot about ana. when I first started dating him I told him a lot about it and after watching the supersize VS superskinny he knows more. I told him I thought that it was gross and I could never do that and it was not what I wanted but he said "sometimes those things just take over"

WTF how does he know that? I wonder if he has been researching on his own?!?!?! obviously I told him way to much. He is watching me though. like this weekend he was handing me food to eat and watching me when I wrote down my calories. He is really sweet about it and he does support me wanting to be healthier and more toned as I tell him. At the same time though it sucks because I think I let him to far in. He really watches me though. Maybe it is good like a reason for me to actually be healthy and eat good and not starve that way this ana can not take over. Like my guardian angel. IDK girls. what are your thoughts???? should i back off and not count and restrict so much in front of him tell them I am still watching but I am not being anal about it any more? I can not lie to him though. HE IS EVERYTHING to me!!!!!!!

FUCK!