WOW

FIRST I just want to say thank all of you so much for all of you comments you are awesome and I love them all!

So I weighed. I am not happy! Thats all I have to say. I am supposed to start my P so maybe that is why. I don't know.

I have this drive right now though.... I just want to succeed in everything not just weight loss. I am making some big changes this year I want to draw more and do really fucking well in school. I want to learn more and read more. I just hope I don't let myself down. I just have to do this I am so tried of feeling like I am giving nothing to this world to myself. Like today I was thinking about life and where I am at and where I want to be and such and I thought wow, I have not helped or inspired anyone really in my life. Not like life changing inspiration that say an actress or musician can give. So I went on my facebook and changed basically everything. I am adding an album on there called ART obviously it is going to be for my art.

These are my non weight related goals because I think that although my weight/(more importantly) appearance is very important there  are other things I would like to focus on in my life. So I am making a BIG sign to put up in our apartment so that I stay on track the rest of this year. these goals are from now until the end of the year so here goes.

    1. I want to make 12 really good drawings. I have one in progress. well I don't know if I can consider it really good but whatever.
    2. Read 3 books That help me to learn about life and the world (history, culture, religion, earth, so on)
    3. Quit drinking (this is going to be a lot harder than it sounds.)
    4. Truly focus on school and do well. Read the books, do the homework, pass all my classes.

I started the new job sat and sun. It was boring but it DOES NOT require to much time or energy and it allows me time to focus on my goals. I also clean my moms house and I might start cleaning this other ladies house.After this year I want to get a job that is going to help me in career. Herbalism. I don't know if you know what that is but basically it is like medicine through herbs. In my opinion it is much better/safer/healthier than western meds. My mom kind of inspired me to pick this.  Although I don't want to talk about that. It will probably be hard to find a job in this area so I am going to start looking in November and just keep looking til something comes up.

Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend thinks I am not doing anything with my life. I mean he knows I am going to school and all but I think that he thinks this job is a waste of my time and that I need to get a real job. He works nights at this restaurant and I am home for like 6 -8 hours alone just reading/drawing/and being online. I hope he doesn't feel this way :(

I only have this one chance right now to get my shit together because I know I cannot work this job forever it will not help me. I really hope I do not fail. FUCK I just feel like I lost myself this past year. I have not painted or drawn on a regular basis is so long. I have not read a book in years. and I need to do these things. I need to learn how to use the internet again. If I do not see an improvement in myself by August I think I will just try to find a job related to my career and just focus on that.

DAMN THIS IS A LONG POST. sorry guys ill stop now. I am going to post some inspiration it is different than normal because I have so much about my future on my mind. God please give me the guidance and strength to get myself back.













Betty Hawley Kelso


Frank Stella

SORRY LADIES I KNOW THIS IS A WEIRD POST