^^^ thats me. Ill put up updated pics in like a month or two. so i know I look gross but be nice I am doing this to inspire my self to lose weight. I hate putting them up because it is so embarassing but I need to stay focused. please be nice of don't say anything!!! PLEASE

THANK YOU LOTTIE X!!!!

OK moving on to more imortant things. I had the most amazing low cal and so filling!!! It was one of those progresso soups called southwestern -style vegtable. it was only 120 calories for the whole can (2 cups). I has that and some tortilla chips it was really good and i am stil full like 4 hours later and I couldnt even finish the soup so I am going to have the rest for lunch. Also I was kind of affraid to finish it because I didnt want to stretch my stomach.

B- souup and chips - 260
L - finish soup
S/D -

Total - 260

I worked out last night but not as hard as I wanted to. I workout in the little fitness area we have in out apartment complex so sometimes there are people in there and sometimes there aren't. I find it really motivating when there are people in there because I feel like I have to prove I can go fasted, longer, and harder than them. I dont even think these people relize I am there but it is like a mental thing for me. Anyway i went really late last night so no one was there and I did ok but I know I would have burned like 200 more cal on my cardio if someone would have been in there with me. I tried the bike for the first time and I really liked it because it worked the hell out of my legs! I am so focused on having thinner thighs. It is something I have wanted for like 10 yrs I just have not done anything about it until now

GOING SWIMMING today ... I hate but love swimming. I am a water freak (2 yrs of varsity swim team will do that to you) but I hate showing my body I mean you saw the pics above. IM FAT. I always wear like shorts in the pool because I hate my legs so much. I think I am going to wear a tank top too because I just get to embaressed when people look at me. I feel like a cow in the middle of the room.

ANYWAY here is some thinspiration for me to not eat anything today!

Pictures and A JOB!

I am sorry the pictures are not showing up I am not sure why. I took them on my cell phone and sent them to my email and copied and pasted them but it still is not working. I will try to take them again with my camera and see if it works that way. I am sorry girls. If anyone know how I can get it to work let me know. I was thinking of putting them in my photobucket and seeing if that works. Any help would be appreciated.

I finally got a job though!!! some good news in my life! so I work weekends from either 12-5 or 11-4 and I make $10 an hour just to spin a sign. probably the easiest and highest paying job I have ever had. A good thing about the job too is that I live in AZ and I will be standing outside for 5 hours in the hot sun so I will sweat my ass off and burn some calories and loose weight. It was really funny because when the guy was explaining the job he was saying you are going to loose weight like a million times. I guess he lost a lot of weight doing this job.

IN - Breakfast -  300
         Snacks -  400
I am about to head to the gym and burn some serious calories!!!! I am so motivated and happy now that I finally got a job now I know my rent is going to get paid!

THINSPIRATION QUOTES

You will not stop. The pain is necessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything, that you are not a slave to your body, you don’t have to give in to its whining.

from Marya Hornbacher’s Wasted


^^^^^^this is an amazing book if you ever come across it get it. I wish I never got rid of my copy. ^^^^


"You can always go farther than you think you can"

The greatest thing you have is the 24 hours in front of you.  The past is gone; the future is distant.  Today you CAN succeed.  Set a goal you can achieve in the next 24 hours.

You have got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough I can have it.  It’s called perseverance.


THINSPIRATION PICS!




















WORK OUT VIDEO


I love this workout it makes me so sore but it is so good for your thighs and butt!!!!


http://www.shape.com/videos?bcpid=72857897001&bckey=AQ~~,AAAAAFR79sE~,Yok_r1P7OXMvrrGAM7aDgkZeVxYbS6MH&bclid=587219013001&bctid=917659917001&autoStart=false


Check out the other videos on there as well they are really helpful
Hope everyone is doing well thank you so much for the comments!

Me

Seeing girls before and after pictures is fucking inspiring so I am going to put a before picture up at the weight that I am now (CW 137). Then when fall semester starts (AUG 25th-ish) I will take another picture. I hope that by that time I am 120 lbs by then. I am really scared to do this I am not going to put my face in it. I hope you understand. This is really weird for me so if you don't like the way I look please just don't say anything at all. This is so that I can see for myself how I physically change. Please be nice!!!!!!!  

<<<<< SO THAT IS ME. ew.  I cannot wait for like 3 months from now when I am all hips bones and collar bones. So everyone knows in my family that I am watching my calories so I make sure I don’t eat too much. They don’t know that I am only eating like 1000 calories a day and burning like 600 at the gym every day. I need this though. I mean ever sense the 8th grade when people started calling me fat all I have ever wanted to just feel comfortable in my own skin. I mean I don’t even where normal shorts I cut my jeans off at the knees because I hate my thighs and my stomach more than anything in the world. when I do wear shorts like the cheer leader ones to the gym like once in a blue moon I just feel ugly because I feel  like my thighs are rubbing together and that my shorts will get stuck on my fat. Also just feel fat.

I just want to have a nice body that I can feel comfortable in a bikini with. PLEASE god I just want a nice body. I know that looks are not everything but isn’t it different if you are not doing it just for looks???? I want this so I can love myself more and not have to worry about what I wear. So I don’t freak out every time I lift up my arms and a little of my tummy shows. So that when my boyfriend says something about my "sexy body" I will actually feel sexy. I have wanted this so long and I have suffered long enough! I will be skinny so that I can feel good about my body and wear things I have always wanted to wear. So I can get dressed up. So that when I have kids they will have a healthy influence. I AM NOT ANA. But I am drastically changing my life and lowering the hell out of my calories. THIS IS ME in the raw. This is pure true me. If you leave a comment please be nice. If you have nothing nice to say please leave me alone.

Anyone know some killer workouts to get rid of love handles?

UPDATE I reuploaded the pics. if it doesnt work this time I am sorry but kind of happy because I am fat and do not truely want you guys to see.

O Mondays...

QUOTE: "Monday is like a new chapter in a book... you decide if it will be a good or bad one. "

so far I have meet my Monday goal but I feel like I am going to go over my calories because my dad wants me to come over to his house. usually this means he wants to talk and have a couple drinks. which is fun but at the same time alcohol has so many calories and I know if I go over (which I am going to) it is going to put me over my calories.

total calories so far: 640 which is only 60 off from my goal.

When I go to my dads I will probably have two to three drinks so that is
 140 tonic water
300 vodka
That is 390 calories over my allowed calories. FUCK!!! I am going to try to just have one drink. Also my boyfriend asked me to eat some of this chicken thing we made and I know he is going to check if I ate any when I get home and I hate wasting food I mean there are people starving in Africa or even down the street who are homeless some of these people are children and I just cant stand wasting food. I mean I want to starve but these people do not. They have no reason to unlike me!

GOOD NEWS!!!

I only had two drinks at my dad's so I had 90 calories of tonic water and 200 in vodka. I know it is still to much but it is better than I could have done. Plus I had to eat some of that soup shit 180 calories and my boyfriend wants to eat this chocolate thing when he comes home but im getting out of that shit!!!!!

total today: 1200 basically

Maybe my boyfriend will want to walk tonight he told me he was going to start exercising when he gets off work. If not I have to burn at least 600 calories at the gym. I really want to go for 700 but I dont want to get over heated.

ANYWAY

seeing girls before and after pictures is fucking inspiring so I am going to put a before picture up at the weight that I am now (CW 137). Then when fall semester starts (AUG 25th-ish) I will take another picture. I hope that my that time I am 120 lbs by then. I am really scared to do this I am not going to put my face in it. I hope you understand. This is really weird for me so if you don't like the way I look please just don't say anything at all. This is so that I can see for my self how I physically change. Please be nice!!!!!!! I can not at the momment figure out how to get the pictures up here and my boyfriend will be home soon so I will try again tomorrow at my parents house. SORRY. I am sure you are not to disappointed though.

thoughtful

QUESTION: ARE ANY OF YOU MALE ANA'S? 

(I am not asking to be intrusive. I just know there are mail ana's and if any of you are watching I want to provide support for you as well.)

Hello everyone,

Today, and the last couple of days I have been really thoughtful. I think this blog might be opening something up for me. My parents relationship is on the rocks, my mother has PTSD from the war. (post traumatic stress disorder; http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001923/, she is a very sensitive person she gets hurt and happy and angry easily and when something traumatic happens she is deeply affected.) My boyfriend wants to join the army (I told myself I would never live my adult life connected to any military branch, it has negatively affected my mother, father, and brother.) I am trying to find a place in this world as a women who can handle school, family, an apartment, a boyfriend who is contemplating a life changing decision, and managing a life with a few okay friends and a job. My life is changing dramatically or it is in the process of being changed. I feel a weird, sad, nervous, happy, just weird feeling. I ate to much tonight. fucking easter dinner.

This coming week Monday - Sunday I am going to eat only 700 calories a day.
FOOD PLAN:
            11am Breakfast - 150 calories
            3pm lunch - 100 calories
            6pm dinner - 350 calories
            9pm snack - 100 calories

EXERCISE: tip: end cardio and workouts strong to get faster results
            M - off
 normal T - 600 calories cardio (running/elliptical) 3 arm exercises (3 sets of 20 reps 10lbs), 5 ab work outs
 normal W - 600 calories cardio (elliptical) 3 leg workouts, 3 arm exercises (3 sets of 20 reps 10lbs)
           TH - off or walk
 normal F - 500 calories cardio (running/elliptical) 3 arm exercises (3 sets of 20 reps 10lbs), 5 ab work outs
    hard SAT - 600 calories cardio (elliptical) 3 leg workouts, 3 arm exercises and 3ab worouts
    easy SUN - 400 calories cardio (your choice) 2 light wieght work outs for abs, arm, and legs

I am going to try extremely hard to stick to this. If I keep myself busy I can! I hope  I stick to this. If my boyfriend works most of the week I will be successful. If not we'll see.

CW: 137
May 1 GW: 134

THINSPIRATION
*If you’re in college, schedule classes around meal times. You can’t eat in class, can you?
*Do something you enjoy instead of eating. Take a bath, play with a pet, read a book, exercise, do whatever works for you.
*Get your sleep. Not sleeping will slow down your metabolism and will make you more likely to over-eat.
*Ride out the hour. When you start to get hungry, just tell yourself that you’ll wait until the end of the hour to eat anything.
* chicken broth (10 cals a cup) warm it up and drink when something is warm its filling
* low calorie soups
* vegetables are very low calories and filling

        

  

Finally...

Quote: Skip dinner, end up thinner

QUESTION: what motivates you?

     for me it is real girls I see in real life

I finally got to wiegh in. I have lost three pounds down to 137 but I need to be lower. I just want to see the scale hit 130 then 120 and then 110 and just keep dropping. My goal is to be 90 lbs by then end of the year and I know I can do it if I just keep food out of my mouth.

Its easter.... I hate family holidays in general though I hate sundays because every sunday my family gets together and eats this huge dinner. My parents make it and my dad is like a really big (fat) guy and he uses all the bad stuff like butter. OMG I do not like butter. Anyway I have to eat easter dinner with my family tonight and I know they are going to ask why I am eating so little.

I cant wait until I get a job so I can work sundays and I wont have to endure this anymore.

Anyway I am already up to like 400 calories so I think today is going to suck. On a good note though because I knew we were having such a big dinner I burned 600 calories at the gym today.

SCENSE IT IS EASTER

I figured I post some low calories snacks. I mean everyone is thinking about food today so here are some healthy choices. let me know if they help! (I get a lot of my work outs and recipes from magazine websites!)

These healthy, low calorie snacks satisfy any craving, while still letting you lose weight.

It's 3 p.m. and the vending machine is calling. Don't listen. Instead, get satisfied—without blowing your diet—with one of these satisfying picks we selected with the help of Sally Sampson, the author of the 100-Calorie Snack Cookbook.

LIST OF HEALTHY SNACKS TO TRY IF YOU'RE CRAVING SWEET

• 1 HOSTESS 100 CALORIE PACK CUPCAKES Lemon
  (100 calories, 2.5 g fat)
• 3/4 CUP MANGO tossed with lime juice and red pepper flakes
  (86 calories, 0.5 g fat)
• 1 SHEET (4 SMALL) GRAHAM CRACKERS spread with 1 teaspoon each part-skim ricotta and jam
  (86 calories, 2 g fat)
• 1/2 CUP STRAWBERRIES dipped in chocolate (microwave 1 tablespoon chocolate chips in 10-second increments until melted)
  (93 calories, 4 g fat)
• 1/2 LARGE PINK GRAPEFRUIT sprinkled with 1/2 tablespoon brown sugar and broiled for about 5 minutes
  (69 calories, 0 g fat)

LIST OF HEALTHY SNACKS TO TRY IF YOU'RE CRAVING SALTY

• 1/2 CUP EDAMAME sprinkled with a pinch of sea salt
  (95 calories, 4 g fat)
• 1 LARGE HARD-BOILED EGG, sliced and sprinkled with salt and cumin, celery seed, or nutmeg
  (80 calories, 6 g fat)
• 3 OUNCES DELI TURKEY spread with 1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard and rolled in 2 romaine lettuce leaves
  (90 calories, 1 g fat)
• 1 MEDJOOL DATE, sliced and stuffed with 1 teaspoon blue cheese and 1 pecan half
  (86 calories, 2 g fat)
• 1 CUP CAMPBELL'S SELECT HARVEST LIGHT SOUP Roasted Chicken with Italian Herbs
  (80 calories, 2.5 g fat)

LIST OF HEALTHY SNACKS TO TRY IF YOU'RE CRAVING CRUNCHY

• TORTILLA CHIPS (cut 1 corn tortilla into triangles and drizzle with 1/2 teaspoon olive oil; bake at 325 for 10 minutes) with 2 tablespoons salsa for dipping
  (80 calories, 3 g fat)
• 16 POPCHIPS Parmesan Garlic Potato
  (96 calories, 3 g fat)
• BAKED APPLE CHIPS (thinly slice 1 small apple and toss with 1 teaspoon each cinnamon and sugar; bake at 250 for 1 hour or until crispy)
  (99 calories, 0 g fat)
• 1 CUP JICAMA STICKS with 2 tablespoons hummus for dipping
  (96 calories, 3 g fat)
• 1 RYE CRISPBREAD topped with 1 tablespoon cream cheese and 1 tomato slice
  (91 calories, 5 g fat)

LIST OF HEALTHY SNACKS TO TRY IF YOU'RE CRAVING CREAMY

• SMOOTHIE (blend 3/4 cup nonfat milk, 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder, 1/4 banana, and 3 ice cubes)
  (72 calories, 1 g fat)
• 1/4 CUP CANNED PUMPKIN mixed with 1/2 cup nonfat Greek yogurt, 1 teaspoon maple syrup, and 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
  (100 calories, 0.5 g fat)
• 1 JELL-O MOUSSE TEMPTATIONS CUP Dark Chocolate Decadence
  (60 calories, 3 g fat)
• 1/2 SMALL WHOLE-WHEAT PITA spread with 2 tablespoons guacamole
  (77 calories, 4 g fat)
• 1/2 MEDIUM BAKED POTATO (pierce and microwave for 4 minutes) topped with 1 tablespoon each fat-free sour cream and salsa
  (81 calories, 0.5 g fat)

THINSPIRATION

What is my wieght?

So I wrote a lot the other day. I am sorry for that. I had a lot on my mind and I still do but I am feeling better today. Maybe it is because I worked out for two hours this morning. YAY. I have not been doing so well the last two days I'm not sure why either, today is going to be a really good day though I am planning on staying at no more than 500 kcals. Here is my intake/out so far. 

B - eggs 140
    - toast 70
    - peanut butter 95
    - salsa  10

Exercise (530)

Total in - 315
total out - 530
Total - (-215)

Workout -  this is supposed to burn fat fast

 

Running Row

What you'll need: a pair of 3- to 5-pound dumbbells
Targets: Back, biceps, triceps, and quads

• Holding a dumbbell in right hand, stand with feet hip-width apart. Bend right elbow behind you to bring dumbbell by ribs, and extend left arm forward, palms facing in.
• Hinge forward from waist, bringing bent right knee toward chest to get into tuck position
• Quickly extend right leg behind you as you reach forward with right hand and swing left arm behind you. Return to tuck position.
• Do 10 reps. Switch sides and repeat. Do 3 sets.

 

Squat Swing

Targets: Back, arms, abs, butt, hips, and legs

• Stand with feet slightly wider than shoulder-width apart, holding a single dumbbell with one hand on each end in front of hips.
• Keeping back flat, squat as you swing dumbbell behind you between legs
• Quickly stand up, swinging dumbbell forward and then overhead as you lift left leg out to side, toes forward.
• Lower left foot to floor and return to squat, bringing dumbbell between legs. Repeat, raising right leg, to complete 1 rep.
• Do 3 sets of 10 reps.

 

Iron Cross

Targets: Upper back, shoulders, biceps, triceps, butt, and legs

• Stand with feet hip-width apart, a dumbbell in each hand.
• Lift arms out to sides and bend elbows to bring dumbbells near ears, palms forward.
• Lunge backward with left leg
• Stand up on right leg, kicking left leg forward and extending arms out to sides.
• Return to lunge, dumbbells by ears.
• Do 5 reps. Switch sides; repeat. Do 3 sets

 

Scoop Squat

Targets: Biceps, butt, and hamstrings

• Holding a dumbbell in each hand, stand with feet hip-width apart; with palms facing forward, extend arms behind you as high as you can.
• Step left foot out to side so that feet are slightly wider than shoulder-width apart, and squat as you bend elbows to scoop arms forward until palms face you at eye level. Return to start.
• Do 10 reps. Switch sides and repeat. Do 3 sets.

 

Biceps Squared

Targets: Biceps, butt, and legs

• Holding a dumbbell in each hand, stand with feet hip-width apart.
• Raise extended arms to shoulder level, palms up, with right arm directly in front of you and left arm out to side
• Lunge forward with right leg, bending both knees 90 degrees; bend elbows to curl dumbbells to shoulders. Return to start.
• Do 5 reps. Switch sides (lunge with left leg, right arm out to side) and repeat. Do 3 sets.

My Life Rant

So much shit is going wrong right now. I mean there are two weeks left of this semester in college and I don’t even have my classes picked out for next semester. I still don’t have a job and I just feel like a fucking bum, o and my dad told me that he thinks my parent’s marriage is on the rocks, like they might not be married a lot longer. What is a lot longer though? Is that a year, 5 years, what?!?!?! And how can he talk about this with me? I mean its good so if it does happen at least I was warned right? Is that a fucked up way to see this? But it is fucking with my head like BIG TIME. I really just want to cut myself right now and just run away. I am tired of dealing with just everything.

But at the same time I feel really alone because NO ONE and I mean NO ONE besides my boyfriend knows what I feel or what is going on in my life. I don’t have friends I have acquaintances that I hang out with occasionally. I mean I have a brother and my brother and I talk and hang out all the time but he does not know how I feel.... we just do stupid stuff like watch a movie together or go out somewhere. I don’t even know if my mom or dad has mentioned this to him. If not, why tell me? And should I try to talk to him about it?

Fuck too many thoughts right now. I just need to get through this semester and just get out of this shitty ass community college and move on with my life. I just want my degree already. I spent an entire semester just fucking off because I thought I was going to get a business degree but now I am going to get my teaching degree and everything is all messed up. I should be graduating this semester with my other classmates and people I know but I am not.

I fail at everything man. I mean I cannot keep a job, I cannot graduate on time, I am wasting my parents money being a scatter brain and not knowing what to do with my life, I have no friends and my parents marriage is maybe falling apart. WOW basically everything is fucked up except my relationship with my boyfriend.

 If I did not have him I don’t know what I would be like right now. I probably would have cut myself and been all laid up in bed (depressed and disgusted with myself) but he does not allow me to act like that, which is kind of stressful. I mean he always wants me to be mature and calm and never lose my cool and sometimes is pisses me off so bad because I want him to just loose it one time, but at the same time it is good that he does not because I don’t know if I would like him.

 I don’t know I feel like even though our relationship is really good there is still a lot of shit I cannot say to him. I cannot tell him that I want to see my hip bones sticking thru my clothes or that I am disgusted with myself because I am fucking up and failing at everything. I cannot even mention that I feel like I am a failure because he will say "o stop that shit you’re not and things will get better just be patient and keep your head up" and blah blah blah and I know he is right that things will get better soon I will be out of this college and have a job.

But at the same time I feel like it is all bullshit and I just want to RUN!!! I feel like even if I do get a job and graduate which is still going to take at least one semester that things will not feel good and better and whole. I feel like there is always going to be this part of my life that is not right. Maybe that is because of my family and how fucked up everything is. Maybe I’m just imagining our family as fucked up maybe it is just me who is fucked up with a fucked up perception of life.

I don’t know I need advice, help, or something right now........  
Sorry for the rant. I have too much going on right now. I cannot even control my food; I have been eating too much!!!


This is one thing that is making me feel a little better if I can just control my food today and for the rest of my life time and just see hip bones and NO fat.

Thinspiration Girls

        

getting off track

I was doing really good keeping my calories between 1000 and 1500 cals and going to the gym and burning like 500 cals a session I even lost 4lbs!!!! :) :)

BUT then yesterday I fell off track and I told myself I would get back on track today but I have not. I was supposed to get up at 7 and go to the gym but I slept in until 1030 WTF. I feel like i'm failing. I need some help ladies!!!

I am going to try getting up at 6am tomorrow and go to gym and run. burn at least 400 calories. and then do some ab workouts. wish me luck ladies. Hope I dont eat the house up tonight Ive already had like 2000 calories. EWWWWWWWWW



GOD I just want thighs like these!

I suck!!!! :( :( :( :( :( :( :(